I think the scariest part of having a dream or desire, is taking the step to tell someone else that you have it.
What will they say? Will they laugh?
Or worse, maybe they will they seem interested only to laugh when you are no longer there to hear them.
Once spoken, it can’t be taken back. Once typed, it cannot be erased. Deleted maybe, but not from the ears that heard or the eyes that read it. It’s there now too, no longer just in your heart but in the hands of others.
The people you choose to share your dream with suddenly have a piece of your soul, and are free to do with it what they choose.
That’s scary.
All of us would hope that we surround ourselves with people that would encourage, & help us accheive the dreams that we share with them but sometimes that isn’t the case. People can be mean, or even just careless, not meaning to hurt you but the damage has been done just the same.
I can be way too self conscious, I frequently choose to care way more about what people think than I should, I am my own worst critic & all of those things make it hard for me to go after the things I dream of.
The things that I hope to make my reality.
Growing up, I always had a camera. I went through more film than ever got developed. Disposable cameras were the thing I asked for before every field trip or vacation. I remember one time, my mom enrolled & took a photography class at the local college and she used me as a model. I wore my Easter hat and sat at an iron table surrounded by trees in our neighbors backyard. I thought her camera was awesome & I remember to myself, “I want one like that someday.”
I started showing horses in high school, but at shows, the one place I always migrated to was the photographers table. I adored looking through the shots that he/she had taken, not just of me, but in general, of everyone. How different light captured the muscle in the horses neck, made it shine like streaks of gold.
Time went on, and like most graduating seniors I started thinking about what I wanted to do when I grew up. A degree in Photography seemed like a waste of money, and I still had dreams of being equine veterinarian, before my severely bad math skills showed me that wasn’t happening. So I switched majors a few times, moved to Kentucky, got married, had Riley and now, here I am.
So many things have changed over all those years, but one thing hasn’t. I still adore cameras. I still thrive on taking a photo & then feeling the print in my hand.
I thirst for more knowledge, reading everything I can get my hands on about ISO, aperture, exposure, & lighting.
My dream has evolved over time. A childhood love turned into an adult passion. Always there, sometimes more in the background, but still a part of me for as long as I can remember.
I want to be a photographer
I want to learn everything I can, & I want to feel worthy to call myself that name.
That’s my dream.
And 2012 is the year that I’m going to start taking the reins and strive towards reaching it.
It’s time…it’s past time.
Its still scary, but I don’t want it to stay just a dream.
I’m ready to turn it into reality.
“At any moment, you have the ability to dramatically change any area of your life, or follow your heart’s deepest desires. It’s yours to create, any way you want it. ” – Craig Townsend
This my moment.
